My Guide To Breakup Survival
It's hard to believe that, although it feels like Christmas was just yesterday, it's already February. And with February comes that holiday; the one that everyone seems to either love or hate. It's the holiday that makes red roses and heart-shaped chocolates appear everywhere you go, and teddy bears grow to three times their normal size. That's right, I'm talking about Valentine's Day. So, naturally, I thought this was the best time to post about breakups.
As some of you may know, last November my ex and I broke up. I won't disclose any details, but I will say that I was of course absolutely heartbroken. I knew rationally that it was for the best, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Due to how ill I currently am and have been from M.E., many of the typical post-breakup coping strategies weren’t options for me. I couldn’t keep busy, I couldn't make art to express my feelings, I couldn't exercise away the sadness and frustration, and I certainly couldn’t get dressed up and go on a fun night out with friends. It felt difficult to find any breakup advice that could apply to my situation, but I did get some advice which I managed to make use of.
Because of this, I decided I would compile a little guide of my own, filled with everything that has helped me deal with my breakup. My hope is that this advice could be helpful to anyone regardless of how much they're able to do. But, as always, I encourage you to dismiss anything I say that isn't applicable or helpful to you. Without further ado, let's get into it.
NO checking on them via social media
Blocking someone may seem harsh, but it doesn’t need to be an act of malice. It can simply be a way of giving yourself, and them, the distance needed to heal from this. The temptation to check on their social media to see how they’re doing or if they’re seeing anyone new can be SO hard to resist, but I promise you’re not going to find anything helpful by doing that. No matter what you find, it’s going to make you feel worse one way or another. Try and distract yourself with whatever you can. My go-to is silly mobile games, but BuzzFeed quizzes are also great when you need a distraction. (Shoutout to Amber for that recommendation!)
Get rid of their stuff
Return all of their stuff as soon as you can, but in the meantime I’ve found that the most important thing is just to get it out of your personal space. Put all of the things that strongly remind you of them in a box, out of sight. You don’t need to throw things away before you’re ready, just don’t keep them where you can see them. You need to reclaim your space as your own. Sprawl out in your bed across the space where they would normally sleep. Take down pictures of you and your ex and replace them with other pictures that bring you joy. Your space belongs to you, so take this chance to really make it your own.
Find the right music
Having a breakup playlist has been such an oddly important part of the healing process for me. Finding songs that felt like they were written just for me was so therapeutic. Everyone's music taste is different and everyone's experience of a breakup will be different, so I'm sorry I can't be any more specific than this. Spotify has lots of breakups playlists available so have a search and see if you find anythings that you like!
Let yourself cry
It can sometimes be hard to find a balance between not wallowing in sadness but also not suppressing your feelings. I can't tell you exactly how best to manage your emotions - all I can say is let yourself cry when you need to. It won't feel good and you may not even feel better immediately afterwards, but it will help. I cried almost non-stop the first few days after I got dumped; I literally felt like a character in a chick flick. I remember one time I started crying while brushing my teeth, then I realised I was brushing my teeth with tears and I felt pathetic and that made me cry even more. My point is that it's okay to feel like a character in a chick flick - we all feel heartbroken at one point or another in our lives. It's normal. And after my few days of constant crying, I stopped needing to cry so much. Eventually, I stopped feeling sad so often, and the sadness grew a little less powerful every time. You will heal faster if you let yourself feel your sadness.
Talk to people
If you're like me, you may often keep your feelings to yourself. Particularly because when it comes to living with a chronic illness, you know most people won't understand. And while nobody can ever fully understand someone else's mindset, breakups are something that a lot of people have been through. I remember I posted something on my Instagram story about how hard breakups were and I was amazed at how many kind responses I got from people who understood. So, my advice is this; talk to people, and let them help you. You might be surprised how much better it will make you feel to remember that you're not alone in this experience.
Remember why it didn't work out
After you've been broken up a while, the loneliness really kicks in and you may start wanting to reach out to your ex to see if there's any way you can salvage the relationship. The idea of being able to just fall back into a comfortable and familiar relationship can seem so tempting, but you need to remind yourself that there's a good reason you broke up. There is no going back to the way things were, and you can't go back to ignoring issues in your relationship. It's true that in some cases couples do wind up back together, but you're only prolonging feeling the pain of the breakup by telling yourself that there's still hope.
Do what helps you
I'm a firm believer that, as long as nobody is getting hurt, people should be able to do whatever makes them truly happy. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone except you, but if something brings you joy then do it. The best thing you can do for yourself after a breakup is to treat yourself with kindness and understanding and allow yourself time to heal. You will get over this - but, unfortunately, the old saying about time being the best fix for a broken heart is actually true. I know, I was annoyed to learn that too! Emotional healing just isn't something that can be fast-tracked, and there isn't one proven way to go about it either. Some days it will just feel like you're muddling through, barely keeping your head above water, but it won't always be like that. There are brighter days and better things ahead. Until then, let yourself indulge in some fun things!
So whether you're happily married, in a brand new relationship, or a single pringle like myself, I hope you find a way to enjoy Valentine's Day. I prefer to think of it as being about love of all kinds and celebrate all the love I have in my life - but whether you celebrate it with a partner, friend, pet, or just celebrate the holiday being over on the 15th, I wish you a happy Valentine's Day.
Hugs,
Isabel xo
As some of you may know, last November my ex and I broke up. I won't disclose any details, but I will say that I was of course absolutely heartbroken. I knew rationally that it was for the best, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Due to how ill I currently am and have been from M.E., many of the typical post-breakup coping strategies weren’t options for me. I couldn’t keep busy, I couldn't make art to express my feelings, I couldn't exercise away the sadness and frustration, and I certainly couldn’t get dressed up and go on a fun night out with friends. It felt difficult to find any breakup advice that could apply to my situation, but I did get some advice which I managed to make use of.
Because of this, I decided I would compile a little guide of my own, filled with everything that has helped me deal with my breakup. My hope is that this advice could be helpful to anyone regardless of how much they're able to do. But, as always, I encourage you to dismiss anything I say that isn't applicable or helpful to you. Without further ado, let's get into it.
NO checking on them via social media
Blocking someone may seem harsh, but it doesn’t need to be an act of malice. It can simply be a way of giving yourself, and them, the distance needed to heal from this. The temptation to check on their social media to see how they’re doing or if they’re seeing anyone new can be SO hard to resist, but I promise you’re not going to find anything helpful by doing that. No matter what you find, it’s going to make you feel worse one way or another. Try and distract yourself with whatever you can. My go-to is silly mobile games, but BuzzFeed quizzes are also great when you need a distraction. (Shoutout to Amber for that recommendation!)
Get rid of their stuff
Return all of their stuff as soon as you can, but in the meantime I’ve found that the most important thing is just to get it out of your personal space. Put all of the things that strongly remind you of them in a box, out of sight. You don’t need to throw things away before you’re ready, just don’t keep them where you can see them. You need to reclaim your space as your own. Sprawl out in your bed across the space where they would normally sleep. Take down pictures of you and your ex and replace them with other pictures that bring you joy. Your space belongs to you, so take this chance to really make it your own.
Find the right music
Having a breakup playlist has been such an oddly important part of the healing process for me. Finding songs that felt like they were written just for me was so therapeutic. Everyone's music taste is different and everyone's experience of a breakup will be different, so I'm sorry I can't be any more specific than this. Spotify has lots of breakups playlists available so have a search and see if you find anythings that you like!
Let yourself cry
It can sometimes be hard to find a balance between not wallowing in sadness but also not suppressing your feelings. I can't tell you exactly how best to manage your emotions - all I can say is let yourself cry when you need to. It won't feel good and you may not even feel better immediately afterwards, but it will help. I cried almost non-stop the first few days after I got dumped; I literally felt like a character in a chick flick. I remember one time I started crying while brushing my teeth, then I realised I was brushing my teeth with tears and I felt pathetic and that made me cry even more. My point is that it's okay to feel like a character in a chick flick - we all feel heartbroken at one point or another in our lives. It's normal. And after my few days of constant crying, I stopped needing to cry so much. Eventually, I stopped feeling sad so often, and the sadness grew a little less powerful every time. You will heal faster if you let yourself feel your sadness.
Talk to people
If you're like me, you may often keep your feelings to yourself. Particularly because when it comes to living with a chronic illness, you know most people won't understand. And while nobody can ever fully understand someone else's mindset, breakups are something that a lot of people have been through. I remember I posted something on my Instagram story about how hard breakups were and I was amazed at how many kind responses I got from people who understood. So, my advice is this; talk to people, and let them help you. You might be surprised how much better it will make you feel to remember that you're not alone in this experience.
Remember why it didn't work out
After you've been broken up a while, the loneliness really kicks in and you may start wanting to reach out to your ex to see if there's any way you can salvage the relationship. The idea of being able to just fall back into a comfortable and familiar relationship can seem so tempting, but you need to remind yourself that there's a good reason you broke up. There is no going back to the way things were, and you can't go back to ignoring issues in your relationship. It's true that in some cases couples do wind up back together, but you're only prolonging feeling the pain of the breakup by telling yourself that there's still hope.
Do what helps you
I'm a firm believer that, as long as nobody is getting hurt, people should be able to do whatever makes them truly happy. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone except you, but if something brings you joy then do it. The best thing you can do for yourself after a breakup is to treat yourself with kindness and understanding and allow yourself time to heal. You will get over this - but, unfortunately, the old saying about time being the best fix for a broken heart is actually true. I know, I was annoyed to learn that too! Emotional healing just isn't something that can be fast-tracked, and there isn't one proven way to go about it either. Some days it will just feel like you're muddling through, barely keeping your head above water, but it won't always be like that. There are brighter days and better things ahead. Until then, let yourself indulge in some fun things!
So whether you're happily married, in a brand new relationship, or a single pringle like myself, I hope you find a way to enjoy Valentine's Day. I prefer to think of it as being about love of all kinds and celebrate all the love I have in my life - but whether you celebrate it with a partner, friend, pet, or just celebrate the holiday being over on the 15th, I wish you a happy Valentine's Day.
Hugs,
Isabel xo
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