The Most Woeful Time of the Year
DISCLAIMER: While this post is specifically about Christmas, I do acknowledge that not everyone who has holiday celebrations at this time of year celebrates Christmas. I cannot speak to other religions/cultures or their holidays, but parts of this post may be applicable for other holidays. This post is about Christmas because it's the only winter holiday with which I'm familiar. I hope that my intentions are clear, and I sincerely apologise if this post comes across as exclusionary in any way.
Huge thanks to the people who helped me out with this by sharing their experiences. I appreciate it very much and I hope you like the post I came up with!
Well, we've officially reached that time of the year where almost every conversation starts with "I can't believe it's Christmas time already!". You guessed it, folks... it's Christmas!
Everyone loves Christmas, right? Twinkly lights draped on trees, Michael Buble songs that follow you wherever you go, festive foods and spiced warm drinks, seeing the faces of loved ones as they open your gifts, the hope for a white Christmas (if you're in the Northern hemisphere like I am) and the promise of a magical and fun-filled day no matter what.
I'm sure most of us can agree, though, that the "perfect Christmas" is either extremely rare or nothing but a thing of legend. If it isn't Christmas dinner getting burnt or family drama, something else will find a way to go wrong on Christmas day. Despite all this, most of us find a way to enjoy the holiday in our own ways; but sometimes, the pressures that can come with the holiday season overshadow the fun of it and turn it into nothing more than a cause of stress.
Today we're going to be talking about just a few of the reasons Christmas can be a really difficult time of year for people. My goal with this is not to dampen anyone's festive spirits, but rather to encourage you to think creatively about how to make Christmas as positive an experience as possible for the people around you. I will, of course, offer suggestions on how to help counteract or work around some of these specific experiences, but ultimately my hope for this is that it could potentially be a jumping-off point which encourages honest and open dialogue that's not hindered by a pressure to be festive and jolly.
A lot of people deal with struggles which are invisible to the naked eye; and whether mental, physical, emotional, or all of the above, these issues rarely take breaks for Christmas (or any other holidays). I've often said that it's very unfair my chronic illness doesn't offer holiday leave, because managing it truly is a full-time job. I count myself extremely lucky to have parents who believe fully in always being honest about how you're feeling, but I'm well aware that many others aren't as lucky. I know that a lot of people, especially those suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness, feel a pressure to hide their symptoms during holiday celebrations. Sometimes there's an unspoken judgement, and sometimes it's real verbal criticism. People who are depressed are told to "cheer up" because they're bringing the mood down, people suffering from chronic fatigue are pressured into pushing their physical limits and joining in festivities instead of resting.
If you have a friend or family member who always seems tired, subdued, sad, or anything along those lines, and you feel frustrated that they can never pull themselves together for Christmas celebrations - please cut them some slack. Chances are they're already trying their best not to let it show that they're struggling. Instead of expressing frustration about their low mood and/or energy, let them know that you value them and their presence regardless of whether they're having a good or bad day. Tell them how much you appreciate them making the effort to spend time with you. I can't promise they'll perk up upon hearing that, but they'll likely appreciate it a lot more than you know.
There's a good chance this is not new information to you, but obligatory Christmas socialising can be a source of dread for many people. I think we can all agree that being pressured into spending time with people - whether family members or family friends - that you wouldn't otherwise socialise with sounds annoying and/or tiring. But sometimes it's not just annoying, it's incredibly stressful; and it's not just tiring, it's exhausting. There's a whole myriad of reasons why someone may not be up for socialising - for example, social anxiety, depression, fatigue, or even just being an introvert. But whatever the reason, it's important to be considerate of people's personal limits and boundaries.
If there's someone in your family who's being "anti-social" this Christmas, please show some understanding and appreciate that they have their own reasons for the way they're acting. Allow them to opt-out of social events, and believe them if they say it's not personal.
In contrast, the next thing I want to talk about is loneliness at Christmas. If you have a family and you're all, for the most part, geographically and emotionally close, it can be easy to forget how different other people's holiday experiences can look. There are multiple reasons people may not be with family at Christmas - including that their family may be far away, they may be estranged from family members, or they may not have a family. Whatever the reason, Christmas can be an especially isolating time for people who aren't spending it with anyone, especially if their friends are all going to be busy with family. Being alone at Christmas can very much rub salt in the wound, particularly if you're faced with questions like "So will you be spending family with Christmas?", questions about why you're not going to be with family for the holidays, or comments about how family is "the most important thing".
If you know someone and you're not sure if they'll be with family for Christmas, consider refraining from making comments or asking questions based on the assumption that they have a family with which they have good relationships. Instead, ask "Do you have any plans for Christmas?", and other more open-ended questions. If you know anyone who will be alone at Christmas, check-in with them and let them know you've not forgotten about them - or even consider inviting them to join in with something you'll be doing.
The last thing that I want to talk about today is the stress that food and drink can bring to Christmas for people. Anyone struggling with an eating disorder (or otherwise unspecified disordered eating behaviours) may dread Christmas because of the focus on food. They might be worried they won't have any "safe foods" (non-triggering foods) available to eat, or that they'll be made to feel self-conscious about how much they do or don't eat. Food can also be a cause of stress for people with food intolerances/allergies, or even anyone on a more restrictive diet like a vegetarian or vegan one, who will be attending big social events. They may worry they're inconveniencing people by having to constantly say "no, I can't eat that" or having to request that food be made just for them. And last but not least, a pressure to drink alcoholic beverages can be a massive burden to anyone trying to avoid alcohol.
If you're in charge of Christmas food preparation for any kind of social event and you don't know people's dietary requirements, first try and find out what people can and can't have - but if you can't do that, try and be sure to provide alcohol-free beverages, vegan options, and possibly something gluten-free too. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, either, plenty of foods are naturally vegan, and most people are happy with a fizzy drink or fruit juice. Alternatively, tell people if you won't be able to provide something and give them a heads up so they can bring their own. And please, resist the urge to comment on how much someone has on their plate, whether it's a lot or not much at all.
There are, of course, many causes of Christmas-related stress that I didn't cover here today - but like I said in the beginning, I just wanted to use examples to encourage people to both think and communicate more openly during the holiday season. Regardless of the situation, ultimately the best thing you can do to make Christmas as good as possible be for the people around you is to ask what they need, give them permission to be honest about how they're feeling and what they need, and try to be understanding about anything they're going through and how it may impact them.
I wish you all a very merry Christmas if you celebrate it, happy holidays, and a happy new year! Thank you for sticking with me this year while I find my footing in this blog. I hope to be able to continue my monthly posts in 2020, and possibly even get a regular posting schedule... though that may be a little ambitious. In the meantime, I'd love if you wanted to subscribe so you can stay up to date with my posts!
All my love,
Isabel xo
Huge thanks to the people who helped me out with this by sharing their experiences. I appreciate it very much and I hope you like the post I came up with!
Well, we've officially reached that time of the year where almost every conversation starts with "I can't believe it's Christmas time already!". You guessed it, folks... it's Christmas!
Everyone loves Christmas, right? Twinkly lights draped on trees, Michael Buble songs that follow you wherever you go, festive foods and spiced warm drinks, seeing the faces of loved ones as they open your gifts, the hope for a white Christmas (if you're in the Northern hemisphere like I am) and the promise of a magical and fun-filled day no matter what.
I'm sure most of us can agree, though, that the "perfect Christmas" is either extremely rare or nothing but a thing of legend. If it isn't Christmas dinner getting burnt or family drama, something else will find a way to go wrong on Christmas day. Despite all this, most of us find a way to enjoy the holiday in our own ways; but sometimes, the pressures that can come with the holiday season overshadow the fun of it and turn it into nothing more than a cause of stress.
Today we're going to be talking about just a few of the reasons Christmas can be a really difficult time of year for people. My goal with this is not to dampen anyone's festive spirits, but rather to encourage you to think creatively about how to make Christmas as positive an experience as possible for the people around you. I will, of course, offer suggestions on how to help counteract or work around some of these specific experiences, but ultimately my hope for this is that it could potentially be a jumping-off point which encourages honest and open dialogue that's not hindered by a pressure to be festive and jolly.
A lot of people deal with struggles which are invisible to the naked eye; and whether mental, physical, emotional, or all of the above, these issues rarely take breaks for Christmas (or any other holidays). I've often said that it's very unfair my chronic illness doesn't offer holiday leave, because managing it truly is a full-time job. I count myself extremely lucky to have parents who believe fully in always being honest about how you're feeling, but I'm well aware that many others aren't as lucky. I know that a lot of people, especially those suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness, feel a pressure to hide their symptoms during holiday celebrations. Sometimes there's an unspoken judgement, and sometimes it's real verbal criticism. People who are depressed are told to "cheer up" because they're bringing the mood down, people suffering from chronic fatigue are pressured into pushing their physical limits and joining in festivities instead of resting.
If you have a friend or family member who always seems tired, subdued, sad, or anything along those lines, and you feel frustrated that they can never pull themselves together for Christmas celebrations - please cut them some slack. Chances are they're already trying their best not to let it show that they're struggling. Instead of expressing frustration about their low mood and/or energy, let them know that you value them and their presence regardless of whether they're having a good or bad day. Tell them how much you appreciate them making the effort to spend time with you. I can't promise they'll perk up upon hearing that, but they'll likely appreciate it a lot more than you know.
There's a good chance this is not new information to you, but obligatory Christmas socialising can be a source of dread for many people. I think we can all agree that being pressured into spending time with people - whether family members or family friends - that you wouldn't otherwise socialise with sounds annoying and/or tiring. But sometimes it's not just annoying, it's incredibly stressful; and it's not just tiring, it's exhausting. There's a whole myriad of reasons why someone may not be up for socialising - for example, social anxiety, depression, fatigue, or even just being an introvert. But whatever the reason, it's important to be considerate of people's personal limits and boundaries.
If there's someone in your family who's being "anti-social" this Christmas, please show some understanding and appreciate that they have their own reasons for the way they're acting. Allow them to opt-out of social events, and believe them if they say it's not personal.
In contrast, the next thing I want to talk about is loneliness at Christmas. If you have a family and you're all, for the most part, geographically and emotionally close, it can be easy to forget how different other people's holiday experiences can look. There are multiple reasons people may not be with family at Christmas - including that their family may be far away, they may be estranged from family members, or they may not have a family. Whatever the reason, Christmas can be an especially isolating time for people who aren't spending it with anyone, especially if their friends are all going to be busy with family. Being alone at Christmas can very much rub salt in the wound, particularly if you're faced with questions like "So will you be spending family with Christmas?", questions about why you're not going to be with family for the holidays, or comments about how family is "the most important thing".
If you know someone and you're not sure if they'll be with family for Christmas, consider refraining from making comments or asking questions based on the assumption that they have a family with which they have good relationships. Instead, ask "Do you have any plans for Christmas?", and other more open-ended questions. If you know anyone who will be alone at Christmas, check-in with them and let them know you've not forgotten about them - or even consider inviting them to join in with something you'll be doing.
The last thing that I want to talk about today is the stress that food and drink can bring to Christmas for people. Anyone struggling with an eating disorder (or otherwise unspecified disordered eating behaviours) may dread Christmas because of the focus on food. They might be worried they won't have any "safe foods" (non-triggering foods) available to eat, or that they'll be made to feel self-conscious about how much they do or don't eat. Food can also be a cause of stress for people with food intolerances/allergies, or even anyone on a more restrictive diet like a vegetarian or vegan one, who will be attending big social events. They may worry they're inconveniencing people by having to constantly say "no, I can't eat that" or having to request that food be made just for them. And last but not least, a pressure to drink alcoholic beverages can be a massive burden to anyone trying to avoid alcohol.
If you're in charge of Christmas food preparation for any kind of social event and you don't know people's dietary requirements, first try and find out what people can and can't have - but if you can't do that, try and be sure to provide alcohol-free beverages, vegan options, and possibly something gluten-free too. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, either, plenty of foods are naturally vegan, and most people are happy with a fizzy drink or fruit juice. Alternatively, tell people if you won't be able to provide something and give them a heads up so they can bring their own. And please, resist the urge to comment on how much someone has on their plate, whether it's a lot or not much at all.
There are, of course, many causes of Christmas-related stress that I didn't cover here today - but like I said in the beginning, I just wanted to use examples to encourage people to both think and communicate more openly during the holiday season. Regardless of the situation, ultimately the best thing you can do to make Christmas as good as possible be for the people around you is to ask what they need, give them permission to be honest about how they're feeling and what they need, and try to be understanding about anything they're going through and how it may impact them.
I wish you all a very merry Christmas if you celebrate it, happy holidays, and a happy new year! Thank you for sticking with me this year while I find my footing in this blog. I hope to be able to continue my monthly posts in 2020, and possibly even get a regular posting schedule... though that may be a little ambitious. In the meantime, I'd love if you wanted to subscribe so you can stay up to date with my posts!
All my love,
Isabel xo
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